This New Year, I’ve set an intention to cultivate my inner “Boss Beth.” She’s decisive, grounded, and focused. She knows her worth, works steadily towards her goals, and when it’s called for she can be a total badass. In my mind’s eye, she looks a bit like Angelina Jolie.

The thing is, since I left my job at Riverwood, the hardest part of shifting focus to my coaching practice is getting used to working solely for myself.

I’m used to leading a team, and feeling like I’m part of something bigger. And I never had a problem with motivation when I knew that other people depended on me.

Now as I aim to build up my coaching practice, it feels much harder to stay on track, knowing the only person I’m accountable to is me. So my new theory is: if I can apply the same “boss” mindset that I used to have at work to building my business, then this transition should be easy.

Yesterday was New Year’s Day, and I woke up feeling confident and inspired. This is going to be Boss Beth’s year, I said to myself.

I thought about the books I’d re-read to help cultivate her mojo (Unbound: A Woman's Guide to Power by Kasia Urbaniak); the clothes I’d start wearing to better embody her style (new dress pants, platform heels); and even the Angelina Jolie. movies I’d watch to inspire her badass-ness (yes to Mr. and Mrs. Smith, no to The Bone Collector). The year ahead looked rosy.

But the day did not go smoothly. After a series of frustrations— a malfunctioning scanner, a missed deadline, and a review of my shrinking bank balance—my expectations for 2025 started to spiral. By 7:00 pm my inner critic was having a field day and I felt zero confidence that I’d achieve any of my goals. I pictured myself wallowing in despair for the next twelve months.

That’s not how I wanted to end my New Years Day, so I turned to a meditation tool that I’ve found helpful when I fall into these moods: Existential Kink, or EK for short.

EK is a kind of shadow work that uses physical sensations as a guide to explore the unconscious. In an EK meditation, the goal is to feel into the physical sensations that arise in a “don’t like” situation, then let go of the “why” and focus on the “what.” What parts of my body feel tense? What’s happening with my breathing? My heart? You sit with those sensations, allowing them to unfold without judgment. And here’s the kicker: sometimes, when you lean in with curiosity, you might notice a flicker of something pleasurable hidden in the discomfort. (That’s the kinky part of EK. It’s not about sex, but it is about how we can derive guilty, hidden pleasures from situations that conscious mind thinks we don’t like).

I’ve found that when I allow and welcome that pleasure instead of resisting it, something magical often happens. Last night was no exception.

As I lay there, focusing on my racing heart and tight chest, my breath began to slow. I placed a hand on my chest, curious what would happen next. Would I find any pleasure? But that’s not exactly what happened, not right away anyway.

“You did a good job today,” I heard a voice in my head say. It wasn’t Boss Beth’s voice. It was a little girl.

“Wait. What?” I heard Boss Beth reply.

Usually in an EK meditation I discover some secret taboo pleasure I was getting from feeling angry, or hating someone. This was different.

The little girl repeated, insistently, “You did a good job.” Then she listed a bunch of the things I had accomplished that day: fixing a broken toilet, getting help to fix the scanner, paying my bills, making food when I realized I was hangry. “Those things all made me feel good,” she said.

Then she took Boss Beth’s hand and added, “I love you.”

I felt the tension in my body release. My breath deepened. And I felt wrapped in a warm glow. Even though this wasn't the normal type of pleasure I get from EK, I still applied the same principle. I just let myself focus on those sensations, welcomed the pleasure, and felt grateful for it.

That sweet moment taught me something important: cultivating Boss Beth in the coming year doesn’t mean I have to push myself to be a badass all the time. And it’s not just about reading the right books, or wearing the right clothes, or watching the right movies to inspire my Boss Beth mindset (though those things can all help.)

“Cultivating” also means creating the circumstances where Boss Beth can thrive. And sometimes that means going slow, and placing my hand on her chest, and just noticing that her heart is racing. Because in those spaces of grace, magic can happen, like that wise little girl who showed up in my dreamstate and gave Boss Beth a pep talk.

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This practice of discovery and dialogue with inner parts—whether it’s the “boss” in us, the “critic,” or the “cheerleader”—is at the heart of the work I do with clients.

I help people who feel stuck, overwhelmed, or paralyzed by self-doubt make peace with their inner critics and transform those voices into allies.

If this resonates with you, and you’d like some support stepping into your own version of “Boss You” this year, I’m offering free introductory Existential Kink (EK) coaching sessions for a limited time this January. EK is a powerful practice that helps you explore and embrace the hidden gifts in life’s challenges, and it’s something that’s been deeply transformative for me. You can DM me, or

book a session through my calendly below:

Of course, there’s no pressure—only reach out if this feels like the right thing for you. Either way, I’m cheering you on from here and wishing you a 2025 filled with growth, self-discovery, and a little extra love for all your parts.